Uniqlo – A Complaint

DISCLAIMER: This is going to be some serious ‘First World Problem’ type shit. So if you’re not interested in having someone moan about how they can’t get the video game T-shirts they want, shut that browser down now. In fact, if you don’t want to hear people moan about inconsequential stuff, I’d strongly recommend you nuke your Facebook and Twitter accounts too whilst you’re at it.

First – some props. Props to Uniqlo for producing some good T-shirts. They know how to do good T-shirts. They know how to do good T-shirts with good brands and good films and good bands and other good things on them. They do good men’s T-shirts, women’s T-shirts and kid’s T-shirts. They do good.

It’s with great sadness that I now present a step by step reconstruction of the journey Uniqlo took me on. A journey that sees my mood fluctuate from indifferent to interested, interested to hyped and then hyped to crestfallen. Walk with me.

MOOD – Indifferent: It’s a weekday. I’m eating lunch. This is peak indifference time. It’s apathy O’Clock. I’m sitting on the prime meridian of ‘meh’.

*click* *click*

I’m on the internet, you see? I’m a total nerd, you see? I work in an office containing 3 people, one of which is me and the other two aren’t in today, you see? So I naturally stumble across the fact that Uniqlo is joining forces with Nintendo to produce some good T-shirts. I like Uniqlo, I like Nintendo and I like good T-shirts. As mentioned previously, Uniqlo makes only good T-shirts so this now has my interest.

*click* *click*

MOOD – Interested: I click on the link (insert your own Zelda joke – I can’t even) and end up on the site where it shows me what T-shirt designs have won and which will subsequently be available for purchase. Capitalism meets a design competition, sprinkled with getting designers to do some free work and with just an infusion of corporate licensing – what’s not to love?

We get off to a rocky start though – the top 3 designs do not raise my mood beyond interested. They’re pretty dull. I fear the worst that these three ‘winners’ are a sign that this whole *competition* has produced some safe and boring results. It looks like Uniqlo might be about to spit out ‘OK T-shirts’. OK is not good.

Screen Shot 2017-05-05 at 16.16.09

BUT WAIT! There are loads of designs from all manner of your favourite Nintendo games. Fear not – there’s bound to be some great designs.

AND THERE WAS!!!

Sweet. Say goodbye money and say hello to good T-shirts. Mood upgrade complete!

MOOD –  Hyped: These are some nice looking designs and there’s not a logo in sight. There’s a good range of bright and dark colours being used and some designs are more subtle than others. Here are the designs I liked immediately. All of these I’d wear and all of these are the good T-shirts I decide I’d like to buy (subject to how much they cost and how much food I need to eat that month).

Screen Shot 2017-05-05 at 16.24.36

I like this Pikachu one because it uses the OG sprites from Pokemon Yellow. Remember, Yellow was the one where Pikachu followed you around because he couldn’t bare the pain of being condensed into the size of a gobstopper? It’s a plain good T-shirt with some nice pocket monster pixel work tiled all over it. Good.

Screen Shot 2017-05-05 at 16.24.51

I like this Kirby one because it’s a pretty bold design. Look at how happy Kirby is! Look how many stars are on it! It’s lacking any kind of King DeDeDe decal (say that quickly three times), but on the whole? Good.

Screen Shot 2017-05-05 at 16.25.04

I like this Animal Crossing one because I like Animal Crossing. It has all your favourites on there. Coffee Pigeon, Guitar Dog, Stress Mole, Loan Raccoon and Scissors Hedgehog. Good.

Screen Shot 2017-05-05 at 16.25.27

I like this Boo one because it’s good. Good.

But…

Wait…

They’re ALL kid’s or women’s designs. None of these good T-shirts are cut for my manly frame. My masculine torso shall never be the home of these wonderful designs. My testosterone filled chest shall never be the bearer of these good T-shirts.

Gutted.

Mood – Crestfallen: So that’s it. I long for the days where I never knew Uniqlo entered into a legally binding license agreement with Nintendo to get a bunch of designers to do spec work for them. I wish to be ignorant to the idea that thousands of hours were spent on designs that most people will never see and only a tiny handful of designers have managed to get ‘good exposure’ from.

Still. I’m a hardy sort. I soon find two good T-shirts I like. One has Stress Mole on it and the other has Shit Fish on it. I bookmark them for purchase and then crack on with my day.

Mood – Alright: The End.

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